A Birthday Gift
“Mr. Perera, you worked late today?” Ajith asked “Ms. Swarna said it was your Birthday today. You should be home celebrating.”
I smiled. “Yes, but what Am I to celebrate?”
“What do you mean? How old are you Mr. Perera?”
“How old do you think?”
“Well, 35….37? You don’t look that old.”
I laughed. “I was 35, ten years back.”
“Oh, you don’t look forty at all. Anyway wish you a very happy Birthday.” Ajith said extending his hand.
I took his hand and shook. At just 22 years Ajith who joined the company where I worked just a month ago as a security guard, was very active, full of energy and enthusiasm with a strong outward personality. He represented everything that was youth. Next to him I could not help but feel really old.
As of late my birthdays were becoming less and less of joyous celebrations and more of frustration. At forty five years I kept feeling as if I have reached some kind of milestone, a point of no return on a journey into a very lonely old age. A period in my life, I felt that I had nothing to look forward to.
“You work late everyday Mr. Perera. At least you should go home early on your birthday.” Ajith continued.
I smiled. Yes I have been working late, spending long hours in office. It was not as if I was overloaded with work. It was better than returning home to the empty apartment where I lived alone, especially on my birthday.
I left Ajith and stepped out of my office to find that dusk has fallen. I looked at my watch and saw that the time was almost Seven O’clock and decided to take the 7.43 train home. Although I could have gone home by bus a lot earlier, I decided to take the train home, as I wanted to reach home as late as possible.
The Station
I walked to the railway station and climbed the stairs with difficulty. Although I was physically fit, lately I have felt that I tire quite easily, the reason for which I thought was more psychological than physical.
Bambalapitiya Railway Station - By Daylight I approached the ticket counter and requested a ticket. There I encountered a man who looked as if he was carrying the entire weight of the burden of debt of the Sri Lanka Railways on his shoulders. Having issued tickets probably his entire life he looked at me as if I had asked for a vital body organ of his. The very sight of him was depressing. I collected my ticket and went on to the platform.
The evening was rather cool as a result of the rain that lasted the whole day. The platform was dimly lit with weak yellow lights, silent except for the loud sound of the waves breaking against the rocks that were laid along the beach, next to the station, protecting it from sea erosion. I could almost taste the salt in the wet air.
There were very few people about. Some were standing and others sitting on the few benches available. I went and sat on one of the benches and looked at the assortment of my fellow passengers waiting for the train.
It seemed that almost everyone was probably returning home after a hard days work. A good example to describe them will be the two teenages in school uniforms looking vary, probably on their way home after a full day of school followed by evening classes, trying to give themselves a chance in the rat race that the education system has turned into.
Looking at all of their faces it seemed that the whole world was as depressed and frustrated as I was, for many different reasons. Pain, anguish, agony and simple boredom showed in almost all of their faces. Except maybe on the face of one man who was sitting with two young children whom I assumed were his sons.
I heard the elder of the sons, who might have been around 12 or 13 years old relating graphic details of a cricket match which he probably had played in. I saw the proud father listen to his son’s exploits with half a smile on his face. At least for that moment it seemed that all his worries were forgotten. The man probably saw himself in his son, now achieving feats in life that he himself had failed in. But the fact remained that he was happy and contended at least for that moment and I was not.
The rest of the passengers too I imagined, would probably return home to their children, wives or parents and will recover from their current disposition.
I felt an incredible sense of loneliness when I remembered that I would be returning home to an empty house. These sights only resulted in furthering my sense of frustration.
The Dark Side
Suddenly, my attention was drawn to a person that walked on to the platform.
‘Government Servant’ was written all over him, from his leather DI bag to his clothes and the way he wore them. Reclining hairline gave me an indication of his age, which was probably closer to mine, but I comforted myself by thinking that I looked much younger and was in better shape.
He slowly moved along the platform, scanning the passengers as if he was looking for someone.
I knew that look. And I knew who or rather what he was looking for. Not finding it in the crowd he continued along the platform until he disappeared beyond a room housing some railway offices, beyond which the platform continued into darkness.
I smiled, as I also knew what lay at the dark side of the platform. I had been there before, many times. I knew in the security of the darkness there was lot more activity there than in this lighted section of the platform.
I reclined in my bench into a more comfortable position and started to count the railway slippers to keep my mind occupied when I was disturbed by the arrival of yet another person on the platform.
Totally in contradiction in appearance to the government servant I was now looking at a much younger face perched on top of 5 foot 7 or 8 inch lean but well defined frame covered with a chocolate brown skin, a very tight fitting black T’ Shirt, a worn out pair of denim jeans worn slightly below the hips and two sports shoes that seemed too big for his feet.
He looked as if he was in his very early twenties. His face was clean shaven accept for a slight growth under his lower lip which I knew was in keeping with the current style, in facial hair.
His left hand was laden with number of black strings tied around the wrist as well as a large silver coloured bracelet, more suitable for dog chain and a large silver ring on his thumb, all part of the teenage dress code. But the feature most prominent about him was a lock of thick curly hair enhanced and shining with hair gel. Put together it all made a picture of a rather attractive youngman.
He too started to scan the crowd. This excited me. Could he too be looking for the same thing that the previous person was looking for, I wondered.
My heart skipped a beat as suddenly our eyes caught each other and lingered on for a few seconds. His eyes moved away briefly to look back in a stronger gaze. A slight smile appeared on his lips. Was it a smile of recognition, I wondered.
Ever so slowly he moved along the platform, looking sideways at me. After he passed me he continued looking back in my direction until he too disappeared into the dark side.
I hived a heavy sigh. I felt a huge weight on my heart with a sense of excitement stirring within me. I desperately wanted to follow him, into the dark-side. I had not been into that part of the platform for a long time. I knew by experience that, what laid at the end of an exciting expedition into the dark-side was a frustrating destination.
But I just could not get away from my mind, the image of the beautiful human form that just passed in front of my eyes. I decided to take a risk, if at all to get another, a more, closer look at him and venture into the dark-side.
I got up from the bench and started slowly towards the dark end of the platform as leisurely as possible. Even with the many visits to the station and it’s dark-side I still felt a bit awkward. I always felt that everyone was watching me and everyone knew where I was going and why.
At the same time I had to hurry as I did not want to loose the person I was after to somebody else already there. I knew there were plenty of other occupants of the dark-side who waited for him or someone like him.
Despite the rainy weather that had prevailed throughout the day, the sky seemed to have cleared now and the stars were out and shining. But the moon seemed to have totally disappeared and the area was bathed in the cool blue light of the stars.
In the darkness I saw shadows standing at different intervals on the platform and specks of red spots suspended in mid air being the burning ends of their cigarette butts. Some were alone, others in groups of two or three. Still others moved around quite slowly almost like ghosts.
I moved forward towards them and felt immediately that I was under scrutiny.
It was not easy to locate the person I wanted in the darkness as I could not see anybody’s face. But suddenly a train approached the station passing the platform at high speed without stopping. All the occupants of the platform quickly reacted, by turning their faces away from the light emanating from carriages of the train as they passed by. But the light helped me to locate the person I was looking after.
Thankfully he was still alone. But there were a few others, who seemed poised to approach him. Quickly I moved in and stood next to him within talking distance but in silence. We waited a while.
Suddenly he shifted. Moving towards me, he walked around and behind me standing by my side with our hands almost touching.
Again my heart jumped as he spoke "Shall we go that way?” he gestured towards the rocks protecting the beach.
I looked at him in the dark but could not read his face. What was I getting myself into I wondered. He was very enthusiastic, a bit too enthusiastic. He must be a regular. It was also possible that he was looking for a monetary gain, as well, at the end of a physical one.
After some consideration I finally asked “For what?”
“What else?” he asked a bit aggressively as if annoyed. “What are you here for?”
I did not answer.
He startled me as he extended his very cold hand, took mine in his and took it to his crotch and pressed my hand firmly on it. “See, you can have a real good time.”
I withdrew my hand and smiled again. That’s it, I felt that this was going to be a one sided affair on my part. I would not have minded maybe on another day but not that day, my birthday.
“I’m sorry I really don’t feel like it” I said and started to move away smiling yet with a huge sense of regret.
“You don’t know what your missing man” he said.
But I kept walking towards the lighted section.
A Birthday Treat
“Hey wait.” He said suddenly as I moved a few feet away rushing towards me. I stopped and waited for him to come over. “Look…I’m…I’m sorry but could you spare 50 bucks, if you have.” He said.
“For what?” I asked.
He looked away as if in shame, waited for a few minutes and said “Uncle I haven’t had any thing to eat for lunch. I’m really hungry. Can you help out?”
I looked at him. This confirmed my earlier suspicion that he may have been after money all along. He was not dressed as if he was that desperate for money. It could very well have been that he was looking for money for drugs.
But as it was my nature I felt a bit sorry for him. What if he was telling the truth, I argued. He must really be desperate to go to the extent of asking for money, for food, at his age, provided of course he was telling the truth. I felt that I should help him out.
“O.K. if you haven’t had lunch, I’ll buy you dinner.” I said
“Err….No…… No….. I don’t want to bother you.” He replied quite hesitantly.
“No. It’s not a bother I also want to have my dinner. Come.” I invited. He remained silent for a while. “Well are you coming or not?”
He hesitated but then followed me, a step behind. We went out of the station and on to the main road, came to a restaurant, went inside and sat at a table in complete silence, other than when we exchanged our names.
He said his name was Amila
“Well, what do you want to eat?” I asked.
“Well, what if I say Buriyani?” he replied smiling.
“O.K.” I said and to his amazement placed the order.
“I…I was just joking,” he said smiling. “I mean I don’t want something that expensive.”
“Well too late now” I responded. We sat there in silence.
The food came and we started eating.
“Aiya… why are you doing this?” he asked. “I mean buying me food”
“Uncle had suddenly become Aiya” I thought to myself. “Maybe we think and see things differently on a fuller stomach”
“I….I hope you don’t think I’m some kind of beggar.” He continued.
“No. It’s my birthday today. I consider this my birthday treat. I don’t have anybody else to give a treat.” I said.
“Oh… o.k. …Happy Birthday then” he said extending his hand. We shook hands. “But, why aiya? Don’t you have a family? Aren’t you married?”
“No.”
“How old are you?”
“45”
“You don’t look like your over forty.”
“I feel it. How old are you?”
“20” He said, making me realize that I was more than twice his age. “But why didn’t you get married?”
“Because, I didn’t want to.” I replied firmly. It was sometime since anybody asked me that question. This was one of the few advantages of being over 40. People stopped asking why you were not married which used to be the most popular question I was asked next to my name and place of work and residence.
“But I’ll definitely get married. I do this stuff for fun. I don’t want to end up like……” he hesitated.
“…like me?” I said smiling.
“No…No. What I meant to say was that although I do fool around with guys for fun I can do it with girls too and I like it. Here this is my girl friend” he said showing a colour photograph of a girl in her early teens, which he had in his wallet.
“Does she know that you do it with guys for Fun?” I asked smiling
“No. Of course not.” He said firmly looking quite offended. “It’s difficult to get a girl into bed. But as I said I’m not going to do this stuff forever.”
I continued to smile. “Who or rather why is he trying to convince me.” I wondered and said “You said you do it with guys for fun, but you do it for money as well right?”
He looked at me with a blank expression in his face. “Well…yeah. But I mean they don’t mind. I mean they enjoy doing the stuff to me….but I know I’m using them….”
I laughed. “Don’t flatter yourself kid. They are using you as much as much as your using them. They pay you to do what they like. If they enjoy giving a blow job then they are buying your cock. So, don’t f**king flatter yourself!”
He looked perplexed at my sudden outburst. It annoyed me to think that this type of young tykes should think that they can use US! Yes, I knew that I too have got used according to his definition. Sometimes you had to pay to get things that you could not get for free simply because either you were too old or not attractive enough or both. I always comforted my ego with this rational.
Amila spoke after along silence “I guess you must have thought that I might ask for money right? That’s why you didn’t want to do anything.”
“Not might kid. I knew you will. But no it wasn’t that. I would have paid for you.”
“Then I guess you don’t like to do it to other guys right?”
“Not really. I don’t mind for the right person.”
“Oh, then I’m not good looking is it?”
“No. You are very good looking”
No it’s just that, I’m really tired of quick sex. That’s all. I thought I wanted it when I saw you. But then decided I didn’t really want it, not today anyway”
The waiter came then and asked whether he could bring the bill or whether we wanted cigarettes.
“You want right?” I asked and after he smiled in response I said “Bring himsome.”
“How is it that you haven’t had lunch?” I continued.
“Well I was just hanging around the shopping mall the whole day. I finished my money.”
“I guess your not working, at least are you studying?”
“No. But I use to go to this computer class........” he said looking away.
I decided not to continue this type of questions to avoid embarrassing him. But he continued. “It’s not easy to find a job. I want to go abroad, to the middle-east. My father is also in the middle-east. I ‘m alone at home. I get bored at home and my mother starts to nag me. So I hang around at the mall with the guys. You know with AC and all”
We remained there in silence after that until he finished his cigarette. Then we got up walked out of the restaurant.
A Birthday Gift
“Did you enjoy the meal Amila?”
“Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot.”
“O.K. then, I guess we can go on our own ways. You must be getting late to go home.”
I saw him watching me almost in a stare. “You gave me a birthday treat right? But I didn’t give you a birthday gift. So can I?”
I smiled. “Why what are you going to give me. I thought you didn’t have any money for even a meal”
“Well myself!” he said smiling. “I mean ….I mean… I don’t want any money or anything and we can do what ever you like. I mean I like you. Maybe I can make today a birthday you will never forget.” He smiled.
I too smiled quite surprised at this sudden sense of generosity. I looked at him. He seemed genuine in his offer. Therefore I decided to except it. “O.k. but where can we go.”
“To the tracks?” he suggested.
I thought for a second, considering the pros and cons of taking him home. I felt I could handle him. After all I should fully utilize this unexpected windfall. You could not do much on the rocks on the beach.
“No, will you come home with me. I live in Moratuwa, in my own flat alone. Will you get late?”
He agreed and we both boarded a bus and went to my home, an apartment in a semi-luxury apartment complex.
I unlocked the front door and entered switching on the lights.
“Wow! Nice place you got here” he exclaimed walking in. He started walking around the living room as if he had entered an art gallery or museum. “You must read a lot?” he said stopping at a large bookshelf filled with books.
“Of course, to stop myself dieing of boredom” I answered. The bookshelf was of course kept in the hall to add colour to the living room with the different coloured covers of the books and not to convey my readership. The books and a thousand and one curios, old period photographs, scented candles and stands of different sizes and shapes, earthenware etc., collected during my life time, costing me a small fortune, were liberally arranged around my living room. I went to great lengths to organize and re-organize these items in my small apartment where I spent most of my leisure time to add variety and colour, to my now rather monotonous life.
“Hey, you have other family members” he said looking at some of the family photographs hung on the wall. Photos of family and friends reminding me of happier times and events filling my living room walls were also for purpose of adding colour as much as to there sentimental value. “You should have gone to see them for your birthday.”
“It’s my birthday. Why bother them kid.”
“Well, all these photos of your friends, where are they? You should have had a party.”
“Me and my friends are also around my own age. We have given up celebrating our birthdays along time ago”
“Oh come on, I think your thinking too much about your age. Just forget it and have fun.”
“Look who’s turned into a counselor” I thought to myself. I felt the conversation was getting too personal, intrusive and rather depressing as well. After all we were just here to have sex.
“Why don’t you sit Amila and make yourself comfortable” I invited.
He sat on the couch and immediately proceeded to take off his T’ shirt. What was reveled was a beautiful torso. The skin a darker shade of brown covered a defined, hairless chest. Strong shoulders, slightly muscular arms and a flat six pack stomach added to make a very attractive upper body.
“Come sit with me.” he invited patting the space next to him on the couch he was sitting on.
I hesitated. I was very excited now. I went over to the television and switched it on thinking what my next move was going to be. Remembering that we have both probably had had a long day I quickly suggested, “Why don’t we get a body wash first? You must also be tired right?”
“O.K.” Amila answered and immediately got up and started to unbutton his denim.
“Err… come I’ll show you to the bathroom” I said and quickly led the way to my bedroom which had an attached bathroom.
Inside my bedroom he simply dropped his trouser and proceeded to remove his underwear, saying “We can bath together to save time.”
I laughed quickly looking away saying “No, you go first. There’s an extra towel in the bathroom.” I came out of the bedroom, quickly closing the door behind me.
I sat on my T.V. chair and I heard the sound of water running in the bathroom.
“Hey, this hot water is great.” I heard him shout.
I started to watch the film they were showing and found it hard to concentrate on it. Suddenly on seeing the film I realized that the time was 9.30. Being a T.V. addict, switching on the idiot box the minute I enter my apartment everyday to take away the otherwise deafening silence that I always encountered, I could virtually tell the time to the nearest half hour based on the programme that they showed.
I started to calculate. It would take another 15 minutes for him to finish his bath, another 20 minutes for me to finish mine and provided the sex was average another 30 to 45 minutes for that. Then it would be close to 11.00 p.m. when he would be able to leave. Could he find transport at that time? I wondered whether I might have to allow him to stay over.
As I sat continuing to watch the TV I was suddenly startled by a warm pair of hands that were laid heavily on my shoulders.
“Hi!” he said standing there over me behind my chair with his hands resting on my shoulders looking down at me as I raise my head upwards. He smelt fresh of probably all my deodorants and probably my body wash and shampoo as well.
“Perfect position for a kiss.” I thought to myself. He looked so desirable, looking down on me like that, a messed up lock of curls crowning his head. But all I managed to do was to say “Finished your bath?”
“Yeah the hot water was great.”
I got up and seeing him in a towel said “Err…I’ll get a pair of shorts for you.”
“Hmm…o.k. but I don’t mind staying like this, it won’t be for long no?” he said smiling.
I smiled “No, but I’ll get one anyway” And as I went I asked “Err… now it’s almost 10.00 Will you have buses later?”
“Yeah, I was thinking about that also, I don’t think I’ll get a bus from fort even now.”
“You can spend the night here if you want, but what about your parents?” I asked. coming back and handing over a pair of shorts.
“Oh I can call my mother” he said dropping his towel and putting on the pair of shorts quite casually. “We got a phone last month for my father to call from the middle-east. I’ll just say, I’m spending the night at a friend’s place. Can I use your phone?”
So staying over at unknown places was not an issue at home for him,I thought to myself.
“Alright then, as long as you don’t get into any trouble. I’ll go and get a bath, You call home and watch T.V. till I come.” I suggested.
As I went to my bedroom, shut the door and took off my cloths, I considered whether it was it was safe to leave him there in the living room on his own. Well his cloths were still here in the bedroom so he could not very well run-off with my DVD player or something in a pair of shorts with the apartment security watching. My wallet with money and credit cards were with me.
Seeing his denim on the bed, I went over and checked its pockets, where I found his wallet. It confirmed his story about having no money for a meal as I only found Rs. 25/= in his wallet. I checked his national I.D. to confirm his age. He had lied. He was 22 years old. But I was happy he was older than he told. His name was correct. Satisfied I replaced the wallet in the denim pocket and continued on to the bathroom.
I stood under the shower and opened the tap. The hot water hit me with enough pressure to massage my vary muscles. I really was glad on my investment on the hot water heater which though resulted in a high electricity bill, returned a heavenly experience especially at the end of a tiring day. I always felt aroused by the hot water running along my body and almost daily gratified myself standing under the shower. “But not today.” I said to myself. Hopefully there was much better fair waiting for me in the living room.
Cleansed and reinvigorated, I went over to the mirror and cleared it of the sheet of steamed that had formed on it and looked at myself.
For a moment I hesitated. "What was this guy really after? Look at me. I’m old, average looking, why is he here?” I asked myself “Certainly not out of attraction.” I shook myself. I had grown very cynical with old age. What ever it was I knew I would find it sooner or later. Meanwhile I had to enjoy what I had. I too applied deodorants and perfumes in excess of my usual practice and dressed myself in a saron.
As I opened the living room door I found Amila by the music setup going through the CD collection. He was startled as I approached him.
“Hey you finished? I was just going through your CDs you have got quite a good collection. Even some of the latest hits.”
“Yeah. I try to keep up with the latest music so that I can at least pretend to be young.”
“Oh come on. Not again about your age.” He said. We again sat in front of the TV, separately, him on the couch and me on my TV chair. “You know you should hang out, go out to parties and stuff.”
“I do.”
“I mean gay parties. Do you go?”
“No. It’s not for us. It’s for you young guys and I don’t want to go alone.”
“Well I could come with you. Only thing I mean you’ll have to buy me a ticket. Like, now don’t think I’m trying for a free ticket from you. It’s too expensive for me. But I’ll be with you for the whole party. But thing is you should go out and meet other gay guys. I mean you must have gone when you were younger”
I laughed. “We didn’t have gay parties when we were young. We didn’t have parties, we didn’t have Shopping Malls, or gay organizations and no internet. Now I hear there are even gay marriages in the country. It was a big thing for even few of us to meet together even for a drink.”
“Then how did you guys meet people to do it with?”
“Well mostly by chance.”
“Have you had…..you know had any affairs. You know with other guys.”
“Yeah, a few.”
“Didn’t find any one for a long time basis right? That’s the problem with gay guys right? They f**k around too much”
“I wouldn’t say that about everyone. Nothings forever kid”
“Hmm…don’t you want to start one now?”
“Maybe if I find the right person”
He gazed into my eyes for a moment before he shifted to the TV. If he was looking for any signs of enthusiasm on my part on the prospect of a relationship with him it was not there in my eyes. No my friend. No amount of killer looks is going to convince me.
We continued into silence. We were watching the TV for sometime when suddenly he broke the silence. “Look, we came here for something right? Like I have been trying to get something going but you don’t seem to want.”
I smiled, got up and went over to where he was sitting. He raised his head up and looked at me. Then I slowly bent down and tasted the sweet softness of his lips.
Bright & Beautiful Morning
I woke up the next morning to find the beautiful face of Amila lying on his cheek on the pillow beside me. His face appeared so peaceful and sublime, afar cry from the streetwise appearance I had seen the previous night.
So it had not been a dream after all, the beautiful experience of the physical intimacy that I shared with him. He was still here peacefully sleeping beside me, warm against my body.
I was in an extremely elighted state of mind as I got up to prepare breakfast. As I finished preparing a rather extravagant breakfast, which I was preparing especially with him in mind, I was greeted with a “Good Morning!” and a passionate embrace.
“Your finally up I see.” I said “Go and get a wash. I made breakfast for you.”
We were soon sitting and eating the breakfast.
“Hmm…. this stuff is good.” He said eating what he termed as his first English breakfast. “You’re a good cook.”I smiled at the complement. “Not only a good cook. Not bad in bed either.”
I laughed. “Not bad for my age?”
“Must be years of experience. Was I ok? Did you enjoy it?”
“Yeah you were quite good yourself. Must be experience too?”
“Oh come on Aiya, your always passing hints. You know, I have done it with guys my age. But it’s always better with experienced guys.”
We sat there talking. Our conversation was now more loose and relaxed. I then noticed the time and asked whether it was not better that he returned home.
He agreed and went to the bedroom got dressed and returned. We went over to the door way.
“Hmm…if you like we could do it again. If you want to, that is. Here’s my number you can call me” he said handing over a small piece of paper with his name and a telephone number. I took it and promised to call. Just before I opened the door we embraced once again, in more emotional, rather than sexual embrace.
He stepped out on to the corridor and I watched him smile and walk down the corridor which led to the stairwell, from where he waved before climbing down. I watched until he disappeared down the stairway and closed the apartment door with a heavy heart.
I was filled with a mixture of feelings of both elightment as well as sadness. I felt sorry to see him go but, did not feel the sad loneliness that other one-night stands left me feeling. It was a feeling of contentment.
I started clearing the breakfast table when I heard the door bell ring. Opening the door I was surprised to find Amila. He had a worried look about him.
“What's up? Did you leave something behind?” I asked.
He looked down at the floor in silence.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked again now worried.
“I did something really wrong.” He said, finally.
“What?” I asked worried.
He put his hand in his pocket and drew out a plastic case, which I recognized as my digital diary. He held it to me and I took it.
I was flabbergasted.
“I’m really sorry. I don’t know why I did it. I’m really, really sorry”
I did not know what to say and finally managed “When did you take it?”
“This morning”
“Were you going to sell it?”
“No. Just to show the guys.”
“Why did you return it?”
“Look I’m really sorry. You were really nice to me. I felt like shit after taking it from you. I guess now you will never trust me or want to see me again.” He fell silent for a moment expecting me to respond and as I was speechless continued “I won’t bother you any more. I’ll go.”
And he turned around and started down the corridor.
“Wait, Amila.” I shouted. “Come here.”
He stopped and returned. “Here keep it.” I said holding out the digital diary to him.
He did not take it and looked at me with a look of amazement in his face. “No, no I…I…I don’t want it.”
“Take it, take it as a present from me. I also got it as a present and I don’t use it. I find it hard to use. Come on, take it. At least then it will not spoil what we shared last night, if I give it as present. Because everytime I see it I’ll only remember how you took it.”
He slowly extended his hand and took it. “I know you will never want to see me again.” He said still with his head held down.
I smiled. “I might, I might not. Just don’t steal things Amila, not from me not from anybody. I would have definitively given it to you if you asked. Respect other peoples property and their feeling. Even if we are gay. Now go, your getting late. I’ll call you sometime.”
“I’m really sorry Aiya.” He said and made his way to the stairwell slowly. Again I watched as he went down the stairs but this time with his head down.
I closed the front door and got back to my living room. Sunlight was now pouring into the living room, through the living room windows.
I went over to the window and opened it and a cool breeze hit my face. “Well, he did bring it back.” I told myself. He was just a kid. And I have had a very satisfying experience both physically and emotionally. I felt that the feeling of guilt that had made him come back was a compliment for me.
I smiled as I remembered the details of the previous night. I was watching the landscape through the window. Over hundreds of roofs I saw the glimmering waves of the sea in a distance alight and dancing in the bright morning sunlight. The previous day’s dark clouds had cleared. It was a bright and beautiful morning.
I remembered what a friend had told me about how good sex was relaxing and rejuvenating. He was right. But beside the actual physical pleasure I had experienced, I believe I had experience an emotional overhaul. Maybe during the time I had spent with a man half my age I must have absorbed some of his youthful enthusiasm, his energy and maybe his positive out look on life.
Whatever it was the feelings of depression and frustration that had laid, so heavily on my heart the previous day, were now lifted. Maybe I will in future too wake up to more beautiful mornings like that day.
I felt refreshed almost born again. Born again, on my birthday.
@ Authors request; his name is mention here as Asela K.
Bambalapitiya Railway Station in Daylight.
